Ok, so many of you know the problem that I've been having in my classroom with notes containing profanity. Well today I found a few more by Table 5 in the back of the room. One said, "I want to have sex with Ashley (who is another little girl in the class) Another one said "I thought you were a sweet boy, but you're a pussy boy" and the last one said "You are an asshole" I matched up the handwriting to one boy and one girl (I'm assuming that they were passing the notes back and forth). I went to their teacher from last year and asked her if she had the same problem and she did. She told me to tell the guidance counselor and keep antecdotals of their behavior because she had to call the social worker it got so bad.

I am really distruaght over this. How can kids who seem so sweet be so vulgar? They have to be hearing it at home or from their neighborhood. The school is in a great area, but the children are bussed in from one of the most impoverished neighborhoods in the city. Besides reporting it to the proper school personel, I just don't know what to do about it. I've already had talks with them and I'm running out of ideas.

"You're so lucky!" That's what one of my sister's best friends told me last night. "You're getting married to a great guy, you have a job that you love, and you're so close to your family." I thought about what she said and I realized that she's right. I sound fabulous on paper. But for someone who is, supposedly, on top of the world, the view isn't really all that clear.

A and I actually had a really good weekend. On Friday we decorated my house, it was a lot of fun. My family really gets into it every year. We listen to carols, drink hot chocolate, and watch Christmas shows. It made me think of holiday's to come and decorating our own house and one day, maybe, with children. Saturday we went out to dinner and Sunday we went to the mall. I felt very close to him this weekend, but I wonder why LG still comes into my mind every so often. I guess A is a little vanilla and LG was Rocky Road. He actually sent me a text message (I didn't respond). He's in Japan right now. Japan. Can you believe it? He's there on business. My job send me to Harlem on business. So. Not. Fair.

On a sad note, an NYPD police officer was killed this morning. My students told me about it because it happened close to the bus stop where they get picked up. He was young with two daughters. Since A was NYPD for 5 years and is now a State Trooper it really gets me upset. I could never, ever deal with that kind of loss. I get sick to my stomach even thinking about ever getting a phone call like that. It makes me so angry that these guys are out there risking thier lives everyday for peanuts.

Work was OK today. I really hate Mondays. The kids were good, but I found another note that said "Fucking Asshole" on it. Addressed to no one and no one copped to it. I don't know what to do with these kids. They are so good and sweet in class and they try so hard to please me, there just mean to each other. It's very frustrating.

I remember back in high school, which wasn't really that long ago, the close knit group of girl friends that I had. We would shop together, go out to bars (fake ID's were our accessories of choice), and meet up for lunch every Sunday to discuss our melodramas. Things are so different now. I still shop, go out to bars (although now the ID is real), and, as you know, the melodramas are in full swing, but the close group is gone. I have a few close friends, but not a strong network. Do these groups still exist in adulthood? Or are we lucky if we have one true friend to lean on?

Outside of adolesence and Sex and the City, does a group of girlfriends exist or is it an urban legend? I miss hearing the opinions of several woman and I miss the laughs, tears, and cocktails that went along with such friendships. Why do things consistently get harder as we get older?

Well I had a great Thanksgiving. Great food. Good company. I won ten bucks in cards. We had a blast. A wasn't here because he was working, but I had a lot of fun anyway.

I'm stressing again. I'm worried that I will never feel that passion and those sparks that I had when A and I first got together. Is that what's supposed to happen? Do those sparks eventually fade and your left with trust and friendship? Not that those are bad traits it's just that zsa zsa zsu is intoxicating. I'd appreciate hearing from anyone who has been in a long term relationship or marriage. I swear that I don't want drama in my life, somehow it just weasels its way in.