It was like one of those corny made for TV movies; our eyes locked from across a crowded room, yet it was like we were the only ones there. I couldn’t help myself, I was drawn to him like a magnet, without thought, I pushed through the crowded bar at the ski resort, and threw myself into his arms. He hugged me right back. “I missed you Bella,” he whispered into my ear. I was home.

We went back up to his room to catch up. We spent that entire night swallowing bottles full of Coors Light and retelling the stories of our lives over the past two years. His father had remarried and he hated his stepmother, although he admitted that she was a MILF. He had been in a serious relationship for a year, but things didn’t work out. I entertained him with tales of bad dates and even worse professors.

The feelings that I had developed for Joe were still there, lingering in the back of my mind, or was it my heart? However, they came in a distant second to the happiness I felt at having my friend back. Before we knew it, it was dawn. He invited me to just sleep in his room, but I could see the looks of disbelief on my friend’s faces when I told them that I had slept there but nothing happened. I went back to my own room, but we made plans to meet the next day.

When I lay down on the itchy hotel sheets, I kept thinking about how much time we missed together and how silly I had acted. I had my head so far up my ass that I couldn’t see the forest for the trees. “Not this time,” I said to myself. It was the first of many lies I would tell to myself over the course of my lifetime.

After we had each skied with our respective groups of friends we all met up for a drink, which turned into two, which turned into a spinning room and blurred visions. One of my friends was in a corner trying to touch some random guy’s tonsils with her tongue, and the other one was paying homage to the porcelain Buda in our room. Joe led me up to his room and we both stumbled in the hallway. Why is it when you’ve had too much to drink the walls start to move? Creepy.

After fumbling with the key we get inside and start talking, picking up right where we had left off. It was like those two years were a distant memory of darker days and we were basking in each other, each marveling on how the other had changed.

Now, I don’t know if it was the alcohol or the repressed crush that I had buried so many years earlier bubbling up from the darkest corner of my mind where I stashed it along with the memory of palazzo pants and clogs, but I kissed him.

Not a friendly little peck on the lips kiss either, a full blown, passionate lip lock. At first his body tensed up, but soon we were a mesh of limbs. His hands grabbed onto my face and locked into my hair. We could barely breathe. His hands made their way from my hair to my breasts as he peeled off my shirt. We lay on the bed lost in a fervent embrace. Mouth on mouth. Hands groping blindly.

It wasn’t until Joe’s hands reached the button on my jeans that I suddenly got a reality check. “What on earth am I doing?” I knew if I slept with Joe that night, I would taint our friendship forever. How could I look him in the face after this? I couldn’t go through with it.

He collapsed on his pillow when I stopped him. “You’re right, we shouldn’t have let it get this far as it is,” he said. “It’s a good thing that you have self control.” Awkwardly, I dressed and went to leave, but he stopped me.

“Back in the day, whenever I saw you kissing Leo, I wished it was me.”

I swear I broke my bottom jaw on the floor. I’ll never forget the look on Joe’s face when he revealed to me his truth. I saw in his eyes a raw vulnerability that broke my heart. It turns out, once again, that we were more alike than either had anticipated.

We talked a lot that night. We both agreed that the two years had given us some distance and perspective on what was really important. We both agreed that we would continue to stay in each others lives. We both agreed that the other was a fantastic kisser.

Joe is still in my life. I suspect he always will be. Sometimes he’s right up in the forefront and sometimes he fades into the background, but he’s always there. I wish I could tell you that things were smooth sailing from their on out, but that would be a lie. We’ve gotten into several big fights, mostly about my decisions in men, but they never lasted more than a few weeks. We shared several more drunken kisses, but we’ve never crossed the line we set that night. We just figured that kissing each other is like an added bonus to our friendship.

I presume that we will always have crushes on each other. He was less than thrilled for me when I got engaged and I was a little too jealous when he introduced me to his girlfriend and a little to happy to see her go a year later. We make much better friends than lovers. We’re too much alike for our own good. Joe has grown into a man, and a very sexy one at that. Truth be told, as I write this I’m waiting for him to come and pick me up to go out for a drink. I guess the rest of this story will have to be a work in progress.

***I can’t believe I actually got all this down on paper. I’m usually very ADD when it comes to writing. I hope you guys all liked it***

Over the next few weeks Joe and I continued to have the most amazing phone conversations. He was sweet, funny, and deep, and I…was so not into him. In my young mind there were two types of guys, Leo Guys and Joe Guys, and Joe was, well, a Joe Guy. I loved talking to him, in a lot of ways it was like talking to me. I wanted to want him, but I didn’t. There was just nothing there.

After weeks of phone calls, Joe asked me to come and hang out after school. I wanted to see him, but I was afraid that he would want to kiss me and it would be uncomfortable and I would lose someone who, in a short time, I had really come to rely on and cherish as a person, but I couldn’t put it off and I went.

We had the most wonderful time. We shared a lot of words and laughs that night without the slightest hint of awkwardness. There was no lag in conversation. It was so easy. I remember looking at him and thinking, “This guy is so cute and nice and funny and he gets me. What on earth is wrong with me?” The end of the night was drawing near and for the first time, I felt ill at ease. All I kept thinking was that I was going to lose this great guy. I was lost in my thoughts when Joe said, “Listen babe, I really like you and I don’t want to make you feel bad, but I’d kinda like to keep things as they are and not get messed up in all that romantic crap.”

I couldn’t help it, I laughed so hard I snorted, so not attractive. I’d been so busy wrapped up in my own mind I hadn’t even noticed that he felt the same way. Apparently Joe and I were more alike than I thought.

From that day on we were inseparable. Where ever you saw one, you saw the other. We spent a lot of time watching old movies and talking about the future. We went through a lot together in the next two years. I was there for him when his sister was in a car accident and when his parents got divorced. He held my hand when things fell flat with Leo, which is a topic for another post, and through many other failed relationships. His advice was both honest and harsh. I knew I could count on him to tell me the truth, even if it was difficult for me to hear (re, if I had gained a little weight and asked him he’d actually tell me).

No matter what went wrong in my life, I had an ace in the hole; someone who loved me with out the hassle of being involved sexually. It was great, until all of a sudden, seemingly out of the blue, I started to get a little tingle in my stomach when me and Joe were hanging out.

I started to care about what I said and started wearing makeup around him. It was as if I’d been in a dark room for years and someone finally flicked on the light. I hated it. I knew I couldn’t say anything, if he rejected me I’d be mortified and if he felt the same way we’d be putting a great friendship at risk. I was damned if I did and damned if I didn’t.

So, the only healthy thing for me to do was… to date his friend. I really tried to make it work with Anthony. He was so hot, but he was stupid in a way that Forest Gump never even dreamed about. That only lasted a few weeks (hey I said he was hot) and I was no closer to losing these feelings for Joe. So, I threw my friend Lana at him.

They dated briefly and it didn’t work. I remember one day she said to me, “It’s obvious you want him, so why are you trying to force it with us?” I was lost. If she could see through me, could he?

I began to put a lot of distance between me and Joe. I wouldn’t return his phone calls and was very cold to him when I saw him. I knew it was stupid, but I was out of options. For a few months Joe put in a lot of effort to salvage our bond, but I was already gone and eventually he admitted defeat and went on with his life.

For almost two years we had no contact. I dated and was in and out of relationships. I had a lot of ups and downs and I made a lot of friends, but no one really got me like Joe. No one else was brave enough to answer my questions with brutal honesty in a way that didn’t offend me. I could still hear Joe’s advice if I listened close enough; I could hear him laugh at me if I did something stupid, which I usually did.

I figured that Joe was out of my life forever and that I would never see him again… until we wound up at the same ski resort my freshman year of college.

I’ll post the last installment soon.

Ok, so I wrote out the whole second chapter of A Beautiful Friendship, got a phone call, stepped away from the computer, came back, all ready to submit and I was logged out due to inactivity. Seriously, I wanted to cry. So, I'll try to post that tomorrow morning, but for now, I'll stick to my five fun facts because I'm pretty sure I can fit them in before I go out. Here goes, 5 F U N Facts, nothing sad.

1. I've gone skydiving twice and I can't wait to go again. The adrenaline rush is amazing. It's absoulutely the most fun you can have with your clothes on.

2. When I'm teaching I eat Werthers Originals by the package full and my students complain that I get to have candy and they don't.

3. Every Sunday morning I watch about 3 hours of cooking shows on the Food Network. Rachael Ray, Paula Dean, Giada DeLaurentis...I love them all. It's my guilty pleasure (I'm not sure if that's fun or pathetic).

4. I have a severe shoe addiction. I'm serious. It's really bad.

5. I don't wear panties when I'm in sweatpants. I don't know why, it's just a thing I do.

So there you have it, five fun facts about yours truely.

I was 15 years old and I had just gotten out of 7th period English class and I was free last period so I was able to leave early. Me and my best friend, Fran, had just applied our makeup and rolled up our Catholic school skirts, turning them from ugly, plaid frumps, to vixen-like wares. We were on the first bus to our "brother" school, which was the all male version to our all female acadamy. We were there for her to pick up this guy she'd been dating, Tommy, and I was there to scope out the hottie I had my eye on.

We filled the bus ride with iddle chatter and gossip about who was doing what with whom until we finally got there. The competition was fierce. Girls with Catholic school girl skirts stood in clusters around the perimeter of the school; like vultures waiting for their prey.

It wasn't long before Tommy came around, a lanky arm draped around Fran's shoulder, with Leo, my hottie, and another guy, Joe, in tow. We all stood around making playful conversation. Leo looked as hot as a sixteen year old boy could ever aspire to look. He had spikey blond hair and piercing blue eyes that made the butterflies in my stomache have butterflies.

But then there was Joe. He was nice enough looking, tan, brown hair, and blue eyes that didn't so much pierce as caress. He was smaller and stockier than Leo, but he had a personality that was both inviting, but dangerous. He looked like a lamb wrapped in a lion.

Time flew, as it always does when you have a weeknight dinner time curfew, Tommy and Fran were engaged in a massive liplock that made the rest of us only slightly uncomfortable and severly jealous. I was feeling dejected that Leo hadn't asked for my number and I was anxious to hop back on the bus and discuss it with Fran.

The bus ride back home was the same as the bus ride there, except that Fran had on a lot less lipstick.

Later on that night I got a phone call from Fran saying that Joe told Tommy to tell her that he was interested in getting my phone number (ah, the romance of the teenager). I wasn't really interested in him romantically, but he seemed nice enough and I certainly wasn't getting anywhere with Leo so I obliged.

Later on that night Joe called and we spoke on the phone for hours. However it wasn't the flirty banter of two horny teenagers, but more like a conversation with an old friend that you haven't spoken to in years. And so began the epic friendship of Missy and Joe

I'll post the next chapter soon.

He drowns in his dreams
An exquisite extreme, I know
He's as damned as he seems
And more heaven than a heart could hold
And if I tried to save him
My whole world could cave in
It just ain't right, it just ain't right

Oh and I don't know
I don't know what he's after
But he's so beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster?

He's magic and myth
As strong as what I believe
A tragedy with
More damage that a soul should see
And do I try to change him?
So hard not to blame him
Hold on tight, hold on tight

Oh 'cause I don't know...
I don't know what he's after
But he's so beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster?

I'm longing for love and the logical
But he's only happy hysterical
I'm waitin' for some kind of miracle
Waiting so long,
So long

He's soft to the touch
But frayed at the end he breaks
He's never enough
And still he's more than I can take

Oh 'cause I don't know
I don't know what he's after
But he's so beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster?

He's beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster

Kelly Clarkson