It's still pouring pretty badly outside, but my ankles are bored so I think I'll shoot into the city and see if I can't find some slouchy boots to keep them occupied. I seriously need new shoes and some new fall pieces. A gets all pissy when I shop because we're supposed to be saving for a house and blah, blah, blah. I really do want a house, but God it's my first year teaching and I'm making shit, really, but I need to spend a little of that hard earned money on myself.
I still have yet to put my engagement ring on today. And while it's stunningly beautiful sometimes I feel like it's a beakon to the world that my life as a bachelorette is over before it really got the chance to begin. I hope all these doubts about married life are common and not a sign of how ungrateful I am. A really is a great guy, but boring. He's always tired. Now I understand that his job is demanding (he's a New Jersey State Trooper), but come on live a little. I wish that I had some true friends to talk to, but it seems as though all of my friends have gone on in seperate directions. I guess it's a hazzard of growing up. Sigh.

Well I decided to stay in tonight and just watch LOST and I was very disappointed. There was more commercials than show. It's hard to build anticipation when your interrupted every 7 minutes. And I hate Michelle Rodriguez's character. So annoying!!! I should've convinced the girls from work to go out for a drink. Ok vent over.

Long day today! My 19 second grade students were off the wall all day. They're just nuts sometimes. I have like 50 million things to do (grade the math tests, finish E-CLASS assesment, clean up my mess of a desk), but instead of doing anything after work what do I do? BS with Nancy and Jasmine. Nancy is another second grade teacher and Jasmine is the special ed. teacher who works in my classroom with me for two (blessed) periods a day. She takes my four problem kids and whisks them away to the back of the room and I don't see or hear from them for 90 minutes.

So I was supposed to go to visit my friend Christine, who is my only sane friend and she's a mess. Last year she cheated on her husband with her best friends brother (who I always thought was gay). Now she's so racked with guilt that she thinks she has every STD in the book even though her gyno told her she's fine. Christine is a teacher too. I need to stop hanging out with so many damn teachers! Ok, so anyway I was supposed to go and see her today, but it's pouring rain and the road I have to take to get there is flooded and I can't sit in traffic for three hours, but I miss her I haven't seen her in like a month. September is crazy. I feel kinda guilty, everytime we make plans something comes up, on either my part or hers. It's too bad too because I could really use someone to talk too. I'm getting married in August '06 and my fiance, A, has been such a boring lump lately that it's making me nervous.

I'm only 24 and I met A when I was 20 so I feel like I'm missing out on something, like, you know the single life, living with roommates, an apartment in the city, crazy shopping sprees. Not saturday nights spent in front of the damn TV, living in a crappy apartment, and saving up for a wedding and a house. On the other hand, I love A. He's the kindest, sweetest, and most decent man I've ever met and I don't want to picture my life without him, and I can't. I'm just saying. Oh well.

So tonight I think either I'll stay in and watch LOST out of the rain or I might go to some bar with some teachers from work. I have no work tomorrow b/c schools are closed for Yom Kippur, so I don't know what I want to do. I'll let you know.